can be best summed up by a single word: a "joke". And it is the type of joke that gets more and more ridiculous- yet not necessarily funnier- as I keep responding to these casting calls. It is also a joke because I could not be more indifferent to this line of work if I tried. I am not an actress, I am just white.
When the talent agency with which all foreigners in Japan are registered (and this is with the understanding that the word "talent" should be taken very loosely in translation) called me on Thursday evening to tell me that I had been selected for a small role, I couldn't think of a good enough reason to refuse. I need money, after all. The agent said that shooting would take place the next day. I said that I could make it, because I am not terribly busy with work lately (largely why I need the money).
She went on to describe the role for which I had been chosen. If there was any inkling of hope left inside of me that my Japanese modeling career was about to take off, it was killed off at that very moment.
"Your role is that of a scientist who doesn't really care about how she looks. She is older than you and she looks tired, like she hasn't slept in days."
I had been chosen to play an ugly person. In retrospect, this is likely because she was a prominent scientist, and some brains are not large enough to fit the concepts of beauty and intelligence inside them at the same time. But whatever.
"Don't wear too much make-up and your hair should be messy. Do you have a pair of glasses?"
"I wear glasses, sometimes."
"Are they designer glasses?"
"No, boring glasses."
"Ok, those would be perfect."
So aside from being an important scientist, I was basically chosen to play myself. Well, the way I chose to present myself before leaving the house, or before leaving my neighborhood, as I am known to go to the convenience store in my pajamas. I know all about indifference to appearances.
The shooting itself was actually very amusing for me. My character, as I found out that day, was a scientist who discovered an enzyme that caused male pattern baldness. How delightfully random.
I got to dress in a lab coat, look into a fake microscope and study test tubes filled with different colored mouth wash. At one point, I poured one into the other without even spilling! I even had a spoken line.
3! 2! 1!...
Me: "It's 5-Alpha Reductase, type 2!!"
I had to do this about five times. Each time, the director demanded more flamboyance and excitement, until I was practically shouting the line and describing the name of this enzyme through interpretive dance.
I forgot to ask when my segment is supposed to air, but I will certainly inquire about that soon. If I could manage to get a copy of it on video tape, I know that these clips will provide countless hours of entertainment for my friends and family back at home.
The laughs will all be at my expense, of course, but that's entertainment.
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