Geisha, Interrupted

I th... th... think I... I... might maybe STRANGLE YOU NOW!

Lately, I`ve been feeling the categorically insatiable urge to strangle the female heroine of the girlie anime series I`ve been translating.  

Despite having reached the ripe old age of 17, she has not yet learned how to talk. Our heroine doesn`t have a speech impediment, per se, but instead she becomes curiously unable to express herself whenever the boy she likes enters a room, whenever she receives a compliment, and whenever she has to express an opinion or is otherwise expected to think. One becomes particularly aware of this fact when having to translate then transcribe her c... c... constant stu... stu... stuttering. 

I have to admit that she is a highly likable character.  And yet, this only makes her refusal to get a grip all the more irritating here.  Despite all her best efforts, she is irreparably clumsy and stupid.  But to make matters more interesting, she is unyielding in her love for Japan`s number-one-top-ranked-genius-cuteboy. Cuteboy, as it happens, detests stupid girls.

As a cultural outsider who had always assumed that feminine beauty was synonymous with retardation within Japanese society, that last bit came as a real shock to me.  I mean, why should cutegirl even have to try to be smart in order to impress cuteboy? Especially when she is so obviously incapable?  And why isn`t her stupidity as endearing to him as it is to the audience??

After discussing her dilemma with Japanese friends over the past few months, I may have finally discovered something interesting from all this.  That is to say, I no longer believe that the "ideal" japanese woman need be dumb and submissive.  No, no, it`s more difficult than that.  Instead, she has to be naturally capable of great things, yet filial enough to sacrifice every ounce of her potential for the sake of her husband and family.  For more proof of this, just look at Japan`s crown princess Masako.

おすすめ: for those who prefer the uninterrupted

In the event that my lack of posts lately or my inability to respond to comments (like I ever did that anyway) hasn`t made this painfully clear, I am currently suffering from an acute case of blogger burnout.  In the event that you miss me, I`d like to direct you to two foreign chicks in Tokyo whom I recently discovered: Green Eyed Geisha and Tokyo Cowgirl.  There you will find informative, edgy, thoughtful, amusing and regularly updated blogs about life in Japan. In terms of awesomeness, these two blogs are currently kicking my ass quite brutally. So....I strongly recommend you go play over there instead, for the time being.  I will meanwhile be keeping up my sporadic half-existence, and maybe one day I`ll find a cure for sucking.

The Super-Soaker-Festival! (or, as others call it, Fukagawa Hachiman...)

I hadn`t exactly planned on attending a matsuri this weekend. I`ve been bitterly busy over most of the o-bon holidays, translating cartoons about awkward teenage love, which can never be requited lest the entire story falls apart. That`s why it was so nice last weekend when the festival came to me instead. I took these pictures on Sunday morning, whilst on a natto and coffee run to the neighborhood convenience store.

What really distinguishes the Fukagawa Hachiman festival from the others, as you will see, is the degree to which you get to throw water at your friends.  Yes, even when it`s raining outside. Brilliant!

Pokemon Purgatory

I`ve speculated about this issue before, but I think that I may have finally found the real root cause of Japan`s declining birthrate.

Yes ... It is the GREAT POKEMON ADVENTURE JAPAN RAILWAYS STAMP RALLY (or however you want to translate it) that takes place every summer here.

August in Tokyo is best described as unbearable, a time when outdoor activity should be avoided at all costs.  There is only one thing worse than venturing outside in August here, and that is having to board a crowded train in this heat. Sadly for the already overworked Japanese parent, the GREAT POKEMON ADVENTURE JAPAN RAILWAYS STAMP RALLY manages to combine both circles of hell.

So this time of year, the trains are swarming with little adventurers in Pikachu visors, riding from station to station for no purpose other than to collect stamps for their booklet, which they`ll then send away for the equivalent of a cereal box toy.  The little Pokemons are most often shadowed by a less enthusiastic parent who looks as if she may collapse from heat exhaustion at any moment.

The sight is enough to make any onlooker seriously think twice about procreation.