I didn't do it!!!

Today I read in the news that a "crazy lady" stormed the ring during a sumo tournament here in Tokyo this week. 

"It's bad for the heart," commented the wrestler who had to help remove the woman just as he was about to begin a match, presumably blind to the irony that his own diet may not be ideal for the vascular system either.

The news left me feeling a mixture of curiosity and relief.  I was curious about the woman's motives, which are only alluded to slightly in the article.   I also felt an odd sense of gratitude that this "crazy lady" wasn't me. 

No really.  There was a time when I was convinced that I could get away with absolutely anything in this country, and seriously, this is just the type of thing I would have tried (though I doubt I could have stumbled past security).

If I were to have learned that, as the article states:

Tradition forbids women from entering the ring on the grounds that it is  sacred and their presence, considered unclean, would pollute it.

after a few drinks, storming the ring would have seemed a perfectly acceptable method for addressing said issue.

Instead though, I was watching the sumo match on the other side of town, immersed in the new hobby which has replaced constant intoxication: taking pictures of pictures of pictures.

And while we're on the subject, here's a list of a few other things I didn't do.

Drunk pulls Shinkansen lever, delays train

Wasn't me.  Heck, I can't even afford to ride the shink anymore, now that there are no clients to take me along on business trips as their 'drunken white girl' mascot. 

Hostesses scam drunk customers

Not I, said the Lea.  I was at home that night, as I am most nights, translating an epic dialogue between a winged cat and an evil dragon car.

Drunken comedian bites friend's ear

Wasn't me either, all my friends' ears remain firmly attached to their heads, thank you very much.