what's in a banner...

As you may have noticed, I have recently discovered the custom design option on my blog settings.  I've been coming up with new designs through trial and error- since I don't really know what I'm doing- and this has made for hours of chaotic bliss over on my end.  On the other hand, the redesign function has swallowed up much of my free time in the past day or so. I thought I had completed the revamping of this design last night, only to wake up this morning and find that my blog was way, way too pink (so pink...).  So what do you people think now?  Anyone?

Also, I want to explain some things about my new banner:

This year, cherry blossom season coincided with my third month of sobriety in early April.  And to be honest, I had been dreading its arrival.  Cherry blossom culture is not complete without being drunk.  I do not exaggerate.  The alcohol companies come out with special themed cans of beer and sake which they decorate with pink blossoms during the week-long peak of the season.  Then, as per usual, said cans are subsequently strewn about the streets in bulk, often accompanied by well-dressed party goers whose company outings came to an end on the sidewalks or in the gutters.  This phenomena, most common around New Year's Day and during cherry blossom season in Japan, is perfectly acceptable.  Some argue that it's even part of the "unique" culture here. (But I will not go there with a 10-foot sword.)

I was invited to a blossom viewing party in the park one Saturday last April, and I decided to go, if only because not going would have been even worse.  Watching all the others around me drinking sake and enjoying the natural transience of the blossoms, I felt an overwhelming sense of regret.  Just a as the cherry blossoms were impermanent, so were my wild partying days.  And they were over.

"The party is over," I kept thinking to myself.

Then at some point, I excused myself from the group to go take pictures of the blossoms with my camera phone.  I suppose it's fitting that I tired very quickly of snapping the blossoms on the trees.  Instead, I aimed my lens at the fallen blossoms that lay amidst trash in the surrounding gutters.  Despite the plethora of pink flowers that hung above me in the trees, I thought that the blossoms on the ground were the prettiest.  Party goers who noticed me taking pictures of "the garbage" looked at me as if I were insane.  Which, of course, I basically am.

Then yesterday, one week short of six sober months, I stitched these photos together to create the above banner.  I did this holding to a sincere (if flickering) hope that a different, more fulfilling party is about to begin.

Comments

[Irish Pal]

Its a very apt visual metaphor for where you were 'at' at the time you took that photo. It is about seeing the beauty and vulnerabilty in the 'fallen' parts of ourselves. you see we are SICK people getting well, NOT 'bad' people getting good. I see a great deal of 'beauty' in new people when they are raw, 'broken' and vulnerable. its very enchanting and moves you in a way that bouncy happy people doesnt. I REALLY beleive what mother theresa said when she said 'suffering brings us closer to god'. i reallly think it does.
nice post Lea. It gets better!

[VicariousRising]

I love your new banner. I noticed it right away and thought it was very cool.

You know what I was thinking as you wrote about the partying during the sakura season? "What a shame those fools need alcohol to enjoy the beauty around them." And then knowing that they end up trashing it by leaving refuse all over and they themselves end up in the gutter, drunk and senseless? Frankly, I am unimpressed. What a bunch of moronic blind ingrates.

You found beauty where no one else might see it. And you found it because you had a clarity you didn't have before. Welcome to a whole new party.

[Scout]

There is a sentence in the BB that says something to the effect of 'the best years of (our) lives lie ahead.'
Believe it, girl. It gets so much better than you already feel it is.
Yes, I, too, love the banner --it rocks. Although I cannot see all of it on my computer for some reason. It falls off to the right. Anyway, I love it -- even the pink. ;-)
Peace,
Scout